Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Things That Matter

Is the name of the song I'm listening to right now. It's by Rascal Flatts.

"Sometimes I try take on this world by myself. Thinking I got all the answers; don't need anybody's help. When God was right there waiting for me all a long, to fall my knees: surrender all. Things that matter - things that don't."

Is the last little bit of the song. And honestly, sounds a lot like me. I do try to do things on my own.

I mean sure, God is there and he loves me, but I have trouble letting him lead my life, instead of my leading it myself. I forget I'm here for Him, and not for me. That this life isn't about me, it's about Him, and His plans for me, and His people.

I few times I've tried to give myself up - and every time I some how end up doing my own thing on my own time how I want to do it.

I believe in Him, but I don't let him lead my life.

And I should. It's hard though. Really hard. I'm only 15, for goodness sake, what am I suppose to do? Are people really going to listen to what I have to say? Do I even have the guts to tell people? What's my calling? What am I suppose to do with my life?

People expect you to know by know what you plan on doing. But I don't know. I know what I like - photography and writing - but is that what I'm suppose to do? Is that what I want to do?

I know dance isn't going to by my career, I'm not near good enough. I love it an all, and it's a nice hobby, but not a future career (though that would be cool).

But what does God want? How do I find out? I don't hear him. Some people claim they can actually hear him, but I don't. So how do I know the answer?

Why do I feel so lost sometimes?

Why do I feel like I'm just going throw the motions?

Is that what teenagers do? Go through the motions? Until we're old enough to really do something?

What if I don't want to wait to make a difference?

Change needs to happen now, so why should I wait for other people to start it for me?

Just .. what to do ..